Pride

First, it was Mikayla, the Occupational Therapist, who used ‘they’ for Alex. Then, Garrett used ‘they’ six or seven times in one conversation. So, I asked, “Did Alex ask to use they/them pronouns?” Garrett responded, “You need to ask Alex that question.” Later that day, my niece and Alex and I were in my car and Alex nonchalantly says, “Momdre, I’m nonbinary.” This child had never been one for big celebrations or even small “atta-kid!” So, I simply said, “Thanks for letting me know. How are you feeling about that?” They shrugged.

Looking back, I wish I had responded with a huge celebration. A party, a dinner, whatever they wanted. Some way of celebrating their finding a piece of their identity. When I asked them for permission to tell this story (which they gave), I also asked what I should have done differently. They said, “I don’t really remember anything you did wrong.” I guess if I didn’t respond with wild enthusiasm, the second best thing is having done no harm. But this child did so much work to reach that conclusion about their identity. That should have been acknowledged.

I feel so very grateful that Alex had this community to come out in. That telling their classmates and guides was as safe as telling their family. I’m so grateful that this community has surrounded so many of our children and adolescents as they searched and found a home in naming their identities—lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, nonbinary, gender non-conforming, and more. I’m so grateful that this is a safe place for these children and adolescents.

And still I worry.

I worry for the child who knows their identity and has adults in their life who don’t support them. So, they don’t come out or they don’t acknowledge that part of their identity or they hide their identity from those adults.

I worry for our trans children who have to navigate using restrooms in public places amidst a societal outcry of fear.

I worry for our children who are growing up in a world where claiming their identity puts them at higher risk for suicide, for violence, for homelessness.

This Pride Month, I want our LGBTQIA++ children and adolescents to know my pride in them. That their hard identity work is noticed and celebrated. I want them to know pride in themselves, as our community rallies to see them, support them, and protect them.