Freedom & Its Limits: Will & Discipline
My friend Grant once wrote about keeping his two-year-old niece for the first time and taking her to the park, “She ran so free. I looked at her and knew this is the spirit I have, yearning for the limitless.” As he read this aloud at the coffee shop, he stopped abruptly, cursing, “That little s*** is getting away from me!” I will never forget the way he looked telling this story, at first so wistful and admiring, then just absolutely terrified.
I love the way Grant exemplifies how much we all long for a limitless freedom…right up until our safety is compromised. Hearing that story, as a young new mother, I laughed one of those too-loud-and-all-alone laughs, surrounded by childless professors and fellow students who were intellectually grunting in sync with Grant’s descriptions, idealizing this image of freedom.
Maybe this is what I admire so much about Maria Montessori’s philosophy–that she understood that freedom isn’t something we are born with, it’s something we develop. Grant’s little niece looked free as she was running, but continuing in that “freedom” would have left her alone, unable to fend for herself.
Montessorians know that we have to help children develop their will–the ability to make and carry out decisions–and their discipline–the stick-to-it-iveness that allows us to carry out decisions, even when it’s difficult–in order to be truly free.
In The Advanced Montessori Method, she describes an upper class gentleman who knows all the rules of socially engaging with others, but doesn’t understand the reasoning behind those rules. Despite living a life in which true freedom could be at his fingertips, he can’t be free, because he follows rules rather than being able to use his will to adapt to situations as they arise.
This is the beauty of Montessori. We are supporting the child’s decision-making from early ages, by limiting choices and adamantly supporting whatever decision the child makes. Continuous positive reinforcement of their decisions builds their will and builds their discipline.
As they get older–elementary-aged–their rational brain allows us to discuss poor decisions with them and why other choices may have better fit the situation. In doing so, they are developing empathy for others, problem-solving skills, and ultimately, the truest freedom.
Also in this series:
*Freedom: The Opportunity to Act