Kathryn Castillo - Guest Author, Elementary

At our recent Open House and Tea Crawl, we had Lead Guides from our Communities speak about the behavioral components in each plane of development and what to keep in mind at home to empower your Montessori child. For those who missed the event or wanted to revisit Kathryn’s presentation, below are her wise words and expertise she shared. Kathryn is the Lead Guide of the Lower Elementary Community and has her Montessori diploma in Elementary (6-12 year olds).

“Maria Montessori was a scientist. Above all else, she observed the children in her care. She charted development of their growth into 4 planes. Children ages 6-12 are in the 2nd plane of development. In this plane we see children with powerful imaginations and strong reasoning minds. We see children eager to associate with others, we see children developing their morality, and we see children wanting to think for themselves.

The true work in elementary is learning to balance freedom with responsibility. This may be some of the work you need to do in your household—balancing your child’s need for freedom and balancing that with their newfound ability to be responsible. Your child deserves time to imagine – to play – to wonder. 6-12 is the true time of childhood.

This is known as the age of rudeness. Children may no longer be cuddly and sweet. They may now have curt responses. Accept the new child in front of you. They are learning to think for themselves. They are developing their own opinions. They are absorbing their culture – not just their environment.

Your child at this age may have a lot of stories about their friends. They are eager to associate with each other and form social groupings with specific roles. They learn to divide labor to accomplish bigger tasks and projects than ever.

When I speak to parents and share all of the incredible ways their child takes care of the classroom community – washing the dishes, putting their shoes away carefully—parents typically respond that they are so happy to hear that, but they wish their child would do the same at home!

In the classroom I work to guide children through their own process of self-construction, but the classroom community is also the guide to your child. The ultimate limit of individual freedom is the collective good. A child is only too loud if it is disturbing nearby children. We make our decisions of acceptable or not based on our individual community.

In the classroom we observe to remove obstacles that are in the path of the child’s natural development. Examples of obstacles I see include not possessing a certain skill, distraction, desire for perfection… Your role can also be to observe for and notice obstacles for your child in the home environment. Examples of home obstacles: sibling relations, chores, basic needs, ability to make own choices, what to do with free time… Montessori described children who had the opportunity to develop naturally as intelligent, kind, caring, independent…. If you are seeing any “undesirable” characteristics in your child, ex: whining, aggression, laziness, rudeness…. observe closely to see if you can find an obstacle. If possible, simply remove that obstacle. If the obstacle cannot be removed, speak with your child about routes to navigate the obstacle. Your child may not be able to notice or voice their obstacles – you, as the wise adult, are tasked with observing.

The elementary child needs to feel a part of it all. For example, as often as possible, invite your child to truly make dinner alongside you – they aren’t just assisting you – they are your work partner. Explain your way of thinking and listen to their way of thinking. Allow them to execute their ideas, even if you isn’t how you would handle a situation. We want them to think for themselves! We will never know what they are capable of if we do not let them speak and act for themselves. We will never see them being responsible if we don’t give them opportunities to be responsible.

We want children to develop the belief in their own independence and thoughts.

Make rules of the household side by side with your child. Whatever is most important, you will establish the rule for. That which is not most important, you may decide together. You can always try a way of doing things and if it doesn’t work, change it together later.

When I am with the children and we form a new rule, I always ask at the end, “What do we do if someone breaks this rule?” The children in the 2nd plane want desperately to establish the guidelines for what is right and wrong. If your child cannot think of a natural consequence, you can provide one – but I bet your child will have a consequence in mind! Everything can be a conversation.

It’s important to slow down. Children in the second plane do not understand adult time. When we are cooking in the classroom and the recipe would take me 30 minutes to prepare, I know that it might take 2.5 hours for the elementary children to complete the task! Give your child time to practice all of the skills of functional independence that they just learned in the first six years of life! Time to practice buttoning their own coats, brushing their hair, pouring their own water… Give your child time to work and play.

Children will only learn if they are interested.

Speak to your child truthfully. When you want them to care about something, spark their interest! Tell them an interesting story – tell them why they should care. We are building in a gratitude to the universe at this age. We are grateful to the sun for providing warmth and light, the water, the earth, the plants upon the earth, and animals, and we are also grateful to other humans. Humans are able to share their knowledge with one another! We are able to help each other meet our needs.

Surround your child with as many items made from real materials as possible. Their home environment should be beautiful and well-cared for. They could know the names of the things around them – the name of the wood your dining room table is made out of, or the names of all the family members on the walls and stories about them. It is your child’s home too – they should be taking care of it alongside you. They can develop a sense of deep gratitude for their home.

I hope this gives you a sense of the 6-12 year old child.”